small_magics: (g ~ war manners)
Isibel ✧ "Sarion" ([personal profile] small_magics) wrote2013-04-19 09:14 pm

where am i?

Thinking is hard.

She knows, she knows that it's safe when her beloveds both sleep - that they can read nothing while they dream - but every thought is so relentlessly punished when the demon is awake, and the parts of her mind that generate thoughts have stopped trying. She focuses, when she can come up with anything worth focusing on, or just on breathing or clouds or a tree, as much as she can. The demon "hyperfocuses" on gentle thoughtless love, as much as he can. She sleeps too, as much as she can. And none of these solutions lead to her having thoughts.

There's not enough thinking left for her to register much horror about it. But there are parts of her remaining. Automatic reactions to things, that can pass from her memories through her actions without her intervening much at all on the level of consciousness. She has enough terror of oblivion in her not to look contemplatively at knives. She has enough of an echo of what it used to mean to her to love someone to ache inside if her beloved thinks of harming himself, to beg him not to. She has enough access to her own memories to recognize the strange door, the second time it presents itself to her, and to go in without fear, holding her book and her pen that she has no real reason to carry anymore but holds out of old affection the way a child slightly too old for a stuffed toy may clutch at it.

The blank book is no good to her anymore, but it feels good to hold it, and she does.

The door may not take her far enough away from her beloved to protect her if he wakes while she is there, but it is somewhere to go and sit and wait for her thousand-year span to elapse, and she enters.
truthwright: (⑺ have things my own way)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 12:09 pm (UTC)(link)
There's someone here who looks like her beloved, again. But this one is a little different - dressed differently, with a different haircut, and a tiny dragonlike creature napping curled up along his shoulders, with tiny green paws and a long thin green tail dangling onto his chest.

He's sitting on a couch by the fire, and his eyes are closed so he hasn't noticed her.
truthwright: (⑷ sweet sweet thing)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
It feels nice, radiantly snuggly. Petaal opens her eyes and lifts her head expecting a Bell, and meeps with surprise when she finds herself nose-to-point with Isibel's ear.

Then she shrugs her scaly little shoulders and nuzzles it.

"Hi!" she murmurs. "Who're you?"
truthwright: (⑸ got no innocence)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
"You're cuddly," says Petaal. "And an elf."

Kas adjusts himself so his arm is wrapped around Isibel's shoulders and Petaal can snuggle across both of them.
truthwright: (⑹ of all that you could see)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm a daemon!" says Petaal. "I can be any shape I want, look," and she climbs along Kas's arm and onto Isibel's opposite shoulder and down into her lap and becomes a viscacha.
truthwright: (⑴ my troubles  will be few)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Petaal leans against her and hums happily.

"So what's up?" says Kas. "Have you been by the Belltower yet? I haven't heard of an elf one of you before."
truthwright: (⑷ sweet sweet thing)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)
"I should take you, then," he says, cuddling her some more. "So you can meet all the rest of you. I think you're number eleven."
truthwright: (⑽ something inexpressible)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:31 pm (UTC)(link)
"...yeah," Kas says slowly.

"Are you not?"
truthwright: (⒀ and an old man's heart)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Snuggle!

"What's wrong?"
truthwright: (⑾ my heart belongs to no one)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"Who tries not to what," says Kas.
truthwright: (⑿ when all the world's asleep)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
"...hurt you how?"
truthwright: (⒂ i never cry)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 05:05 pm (UTC)(link)
...

Kas hugs her close.
truthwright: (⑻ who i really am)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 05:08 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm so sorry," he says, cuddling her.
truthwright: (⒀ and an old man's heart)

[personal profile] truthwright 2013-04-20 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
"I believe you," he murmurs. "Fuck. I should - I should get my sweeties."

But he doesn't want to move.

[Jane? Amariah needs to be at Milliways.]

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